I have these moments of pure disgust for you and the way that you have so many times disregarded my feelings.
An anger that is indescribable builds inside and it makes my stomach turn and my skin tingle when I think about how I know that you still use the same lips that try to convince me of how much you love me to try to convince your new girl of exactly the same things with most likely the same lines…
Maybe you were right when you said that I will never be able to let the past about her go… but do you know why?
Because you have never once let her go.
You have lied to me, most definitely her, and everyone else.
You are pathetic with the way you try to use the love that I have for you to your advantage. You come to me when your little pet is out with people and friends her own age but run right back to her if she shows you any sign of attention.
I am even more pathetic for giving you an outlet.
I won’t any longer.
Next time you are so intoxicated that you can hardly send a coherent text, your dick is raging, and you’re feeling sorry for yourself… Call her(Oh wait.. I’m sure you did but she was not available to you) tell her how you want to end it all and how you have fucked up and feel so terrible. How nothing is worth it and blah fucking blah blah blah…
Because the reason why you want to give up has nothing to do with the fact that you lost me and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that you know your little band-aid isn’t a permanent fix, or a permanent ANYTHING, but you’re so fucking addicted to her it’s become sickening.
But I’ll be the hater and the bitch and the whatever the fuck else you want me to be.
And just like that the anger and hurt has taken over and replaced any good that I have felt with you.
It’s so easy to hold on to the hurt and anger. It’s so easy to become lost in it and let it take over. It’s too easy to sit back and let the anger flow from my soul through my fingertips at lightening fast speed and replace all the longing I have for you with dislike. If I hold on to all this bad then I can’t focus on how much I hurt from all the great that you made me feel.
And do you think after all of this that I hate you?
No fucking way…
I hate myself.
More than I could ever hate another being… almost as much as I hate the love that you have for Her… almost.