Panic attacks are intense periods of fear or feelings of doom developing over a very short time frame — up to 10 minutes — and associated with at least four of the following:

• Sudden overwhelming fear
• Palpitations
• Sweating
• Trembling
• Shortness of breath
• Sense of choking
• Chest pain
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• A feeling of being detached from the world (derealization)
• Fear of dying
• Numbness or tingling in the limbs or entire body
• Chills or hot flushes

Generalized anxiety disorder is excessive and unrealistic worry over a period of at least six months associated with three of the following:

• Restlessness
• Easy fatigue
• Difficulty concentrating
• Irritability or explosive anger
• Muscle tension
• Sleep disturbances
• Personality changes such as becoming less social

So I finally gave in and Google’d some info on panic attacks and posted it.

I went to WebMd.com because isn’t that what you are supposed to do if you think there is something wrong with you? Who gets professional help anymore when you are sick or need something when you could easily self diagnose yourself at home from the comfort of your own bed? So, I am pretty sure that I am in fact having panic attacks, at least according to WebMD I am. I have made the symptoms I experienced in bold; of course I haven’t had them ALL at the same time. I am nauseous all the time and I have been known to be dizzy a time or two but not today or yesterday, that I can remember. I don’t really sleep much more but I do take some pretty amazing naps. Oh, yea and I guess sometimes I have been known to lose my train of thought, is it bad that sometimes its actually mid sentence? But as for the others I guess they are pretty spot on. Now I have a feeling that the above symptoms could mean a ton of other things but since I only Googled Panic attacks and not each symptom I have been experiencing an I am feeling extremely anxious lately I will just go with they are panic attacks and leave it at that. I refuse to let myself start to get trapped in the crazy world of ‘self diagnoses’ I can only imagine what I would come up with (:

I also posted the part about anxiety disorder because they were on the same little blip and since we are diagnosing we best be thorough. Luckily, I don’t feel like I have anxiety disorder because I don’t believe that my worry is unrealistic. I may be wrong about that and if good old Dr. WebMD could actually interact with me he may diagnose me differently but I don’t think so and since I am the doctor here, what I say goes. The joys of technology and modern medicine.

So lets be honest here the only reason I Google’d this shit was because I had to because I was starting a full on attack with you on the phone! And I knew there was no way I would be able to hide it and there is an even bigger NO way that I was going to let you have to witness that bullshit. So I tried to get out as quickly as possible without hurting you or your feelings but I finally had to just go and I am sorry for that.

I am sorry that I am a bitch sometimes. I am not always going to be nice and chipper and I am sure positive that I am going to piss you off at some point. I mean at some point I am going to do or say something that you aren’t going to agree with but I don’t think you will tell me. I think you are too nervous to upset me because I am so loony right now. I don’t think you would openly disagree with anything I say or do and that is only going to be worse for US in the long run, which gives me more anxiety, because if you hold it all in for me that is not good for YOU. And I want you to be as good to yourself as you are to me.

You deserve just as much as you think I do. And that is why I don’t think I am the best for you because I don’t know if I will ever be as good at loving as you are. I don’t think I will ever be able to openly love as well as you. You have set the bar so high I don’t think I could ever reach it. I want as much for you as you wants for me Moon, and I am so scared I won’t be able to give it to you. I am so so so so so so sorry for that.

I’m sorry that this happened today. I am sorry that I wasn’t able to hide it better or get off the phone sooner. I know we had such high hopes for today. Well, I know I did. And now I feel like I have ruined today. Ugh… I don’t know what else to say right now. I am exhausted. I guess 4 hours of sleep will do that to ya.

I love you. I love you so much. I am so tired.